kismessis, fuckass
by zooface pooplord
Summary: first chapter is me karkat and someone else as dave on trollplay. karkat and dave go at it and somehow karkat pushes dave into- kismesis?
1. Chapter 1

-turntechGodhead started to pester carcinoGeneticist-

CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?

CG: YOU TAKE A LONG FUCKING TIME TO TYPE.

TG: i do not

TG: youre just so touchy

CG: DAVE.

TG: its difficult to not piss you off without trying

CG: WHAT?

CG: OH GOG. FUCK YOU.

CG: I DONT...

CG: I

CG: ORRRRRG

CG: NO.

CG: NOOOOO

TG: org?

CG: FUCK YOU.

TG: sorry if i hurt your feelings or something

TG: seriously

TG: i didnt mean it

CG: YOU SARCASTIC FUCKASS.

TG: im dying from sincerity

CG: I SOMEHOW DOUBT THAT.

TG: sincerity is my blood i just cant help but be so sincere

TG: and yeah that was sarcasm but honestly

TG: i was being very sincere

TG: so sorry

CG: I AM RAMMING MY HED ON THE DESK.

CG: OVER YOUR SHEER STUPIDIDTY.

CG: DRAMATICALLY LOOSING BRAIN CELLS BY THE MINUTE.

TG: i am screaming at my screen over your sheer fuckassery

TG: dramatically losing cool points by the second

CG: I DONT BELIEVE. YOU.

CG: YOUR TOO "COOL"

TG: i cant even say sorry jesus christ

CG: TO BE SCREEMING.

TG: its like dude come on what do you want me to do

CG: IM LIKE THAT. GET THE FUCK OVER IT.

TG: get the fuck over me being a smartass then

CG: MY HEAD HURTS NOW. I DONT WANT TO DEAL WITH YOU.

CG: I CANT EVEN SWEAR ANYMORE.

CG: GOG.

CG: I HATE YOU SO MUCH.

CG: IVE COMPLETELY OUT SWEARED MYSELF.

CG: CONGRATULATIONS.

CG: WANT ME TO GO TO LOWER CASE LETTERING TOO?

CG: JUST TALK SOME MORE.

CG: WATCH.

CG: ILL DO IT.

CG: COME ON.

CG: TYPE, FUCKASS.

CG: OH LOOK, I SWORE!

TG: ugh

TG: ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh ugh

TG: look at all these ughs i have vantas

TG: im just running around trying to pick them up but no

TG: ill never be able to hold them all

TG: ugh

CG: I MAKE YOU HAVE FACEPALM COMBOS, DONT I.

TG: you dont even fucking know

CG: OVER 9000

CG: OH. BURNNNNN

CG: HA!

TG: yeah whatever

TG: i dont care

CG: I KNOW WHAT YOUR DOING TOO.

CG: WITH TEREZI.

TG: im doing jack shit with terezi

CG: I SEE YOU LOOK AT HER.

TG: thats what you know

CG: I SEE YOU.

CG: I WATCH YOU.

TG: how creepy and stalker like

CG: FUCK YOU.

TG: when and where?

TG: pft

CG: NO.

CG: NOOO.

CG: hahahahahahahaha

CG: .

TG: i couldnt help myself okay

TG: it slipped out

CG: I HATE HOW "COOL" YOU ARE.

CG: ITS WORTHY OF KISMESSIS.

TG: nah youre just jealous

TG: wait what

CG: YOU HEARD ME.

CG: KISMESSIS.

TG: terezi said that was basically hate sex dude

TG: and uh

CG: NEXT TIME I SEE NEPETA IN DREAM BUBBLE LAND, I WILL PUT IT ON HER WALL.

TG: i really dont know about being hate sex partners

TG: and shit no dont do that

CG: WHAT, YOU NOT "HOMOSEXUAL" OR WHATEVER THE FUCK THAT IS?

CG: I GOT IT FROM JOHN TOO.

CG: MEH. MAYBE YOU ARNT WORTHY OF KISMESSISSHIP.

CG: HA. SHIP.

TG: no thats not it

TG: i dont care about you being a guy or anything thats stupid

TG: i just thought you disliked me

TG: not in a hatefuck-y way

CG: TRUTH COMES OUT.

TG: shut the fuck up

CG: HEY. WATCH THIS.

CG: shut the fuck up.

TG: dude no

TG: stop it

CG: YA I DID IT.

TG: go back to yelling

CG: no.

TG: yes

CG: no.

TG: yes or ill yell

CG: i dont have to.

TG: ugh fine you know what

TG: this is stupid

CG: free world, strider.

CG: fuck ya.

TG: and if youre trying to get me to think of you in a hatefuck-y way

CG: im not.

CG: didnt we alredy go over this

TG: good job because you fucking succeeded without trying

TG: and no we didnt

CG: what. what?

CG: i succeeded?.

CG: hey.

CG: HEY.

CG: HELLOOOOOO

CG: ...

CG: fuckass.

TG: no youre the fuckass here

TG: im just amazed you dont get it

TG: seriously dude come the fuck on

TG: dont be all like oh dave i want to fuck you out of hate

TG: then be confused as shit after you convince me into it

CG: ill take the fuck part.

CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

CG: or as john says, LOL

TG: fuck you and your shitty jokes

TG: and stop with the lowercase asshat

CG: at least im not some try hard like you.

CG: copying your brothers every step.

CG: WHAT, HIT A NERVE, FUCKASS?

TG: you just went to far dude

TG: too far and just

TG: seriously

TG: youre a dick

CG: I TRY.

CG: ASSHOLE.

TG: nope seriously upset over here

CG: WHAT, YOU CRYING?

TG: not even gonna bother

CG: BABYYYYY

CG: WA WA WA

TG: im not fucking baby shut up

CG: LIKE A LITTLE GRUB

TG: you know what just go die in a hole

CG: YOU GO DIE THERE TOO.

TG: you dont tease people over their dead bros

TG: thats a thing you just dont do

TG: and you crossed a line

CG: OH WAHT THE FUCK EVER. WEE ALL HAD SOMEONE DIE.

CG: I KEEP ON .

TG: yeah and you dont see me teasing you about it

TG: so shut up

CG: I COULD CONTINUE ON ABOUT YOUR "BRO", BUT I WOUNT.

CG: BECAUSE IM ONLY SO MUCH OF A FUCKASS.

CG: TO YOU, THAT IS.

TG: what do you mean 'to you'

TG: im not special to you at all

TG: in fact im probably the one you hate the most

CG: KISMESSISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

TG: ...

TG: oh yeah

TG: shouldnt you want to go on then?

TG: or is there a weird love in there too or some shit

CG: YOU MEAN KICK THE SHIT OUT OF YOU THAN HAVE SLOPPY MAKE-OUTS?

CG: BECAUSE THATS INVOLVED IN KISMESSIS-SHIP.

CG: ANGRY SLOPPY MAKE-OUTS.

CG: HOT.

CG: DAVE?

CG: YOU STILL THERE?

CG: HEY?

CG: FUCKASS?

TG: sorry

TG: just amazed

CG: BY WHAT?

TG: hot angry sloppy makeouts that im envisioning

CG: OH.

TG: yup

CG: ITS IS PRETTY FUCKING HOT.

TG: then why dont we do it hm

CG: I NEED A GOOD KISMESSIS, BECAUSE MY ONL YOTHER OPTION IS MY FUTURE SELF.

CG: YES.

CG: ILL COME TO YOUR ROOM. SINCE WERE ON THE SAME METEOR, AND ALL.

CG: BE THERE IN 5, FUCKASS.

TG: oh quick question first

CG: WHAT.

TG: whos the bitch in this relationship

TG: whos on 'bottom' i guess or something

CG: THAT WILL BE DELT WITH WHEN WE GET THERE.

CG: BUCKETS WILL BE INVOLVED TOO.

CG: BUCKETS

CG: ALRIGHT. BYE.

TG: k see you in five

-carcinoGeneticist ceased trolling turntechGodhead -

**alright. That was the pesterlog. I will add a second chapter of actual story later.**

**Review! I like to know where to improve, and if you liked it. **

**There will be kismesiss shit later.**


	2. Chapter 2, fuckass

Chapter two, fuckasses

Karkat closed his husktop and leaned back. He couldn't believe it. He actually pulled Dave into a kismesis-ship. At first, it was him mostly messing with Dave, but it got pretty serious really fast. Especially when he brought "bro" into it. Karkat knew he hit a nerve then. It felt good to actually piss someone else off. Then he wasn't the only fucking mad person on the entire ship.

'Maybe this would turn out to be a good kismesis,' Karkat thought. 'But then again. Does strider REALLY understand the kismesis concept? Humans don't normally have fucking kismises! On top of that, I'm pretty sure the don't use fucking buckets in the reproductive system. How do they even reproduce?...'

it really hit him then. "oh my gog." Karkat whispered to himself. "i actually have a kismesis. A real kismesis!" a rare smile appeared on his lips. They only really happen when he is by himself, with no one else to fuck with him.

Now he had someone to fuck with.

Karkat stood up and walked to his door. He would get his ass over there, fuck shit up with strider, make him lose his cool, and-

he was cut off when he opened the door and was bombarded with a certain blind troll.

"K4RK4T! I heard that you and Dave are kismesises! is this true? Well of course it is! Dave told me himself!"

Karkat facepalemed. "seriously? That ass has the worlds hugest fucking mouth!"

Terezi laughed. "i thought you would be happy to have a quadrant filled."

Karkat huffed. "its not something to get happy about. Were kismesises! We want to kill each other!"

"then have sloppy make outs."

"Terezi!"

"Dave showed me the conversation, you know!"

Karkat, finally sick of terezi's shit, manoeuvred around the troll and head down the hall.

He turned a corner and ran into the the most ironic person on the meteor. And literary ran into him. It knocked Karkat to the ground, but the much taller human staid up.

"fuckass.." Karkat mumbled before standing up. He looked up angerly at the human and was met with a hand sharply hitting his face.

"ow!" he cried. "what the fuck was that for?"

Dave looked at him, except he seemed a bit.. colder. "that was for bringing my bro into our conversation."

then Karkat slapped him back. Dave seemed unfazed. "and what was that for?" he asked.

"for slapping me, fuckass."

they stared daggers at each other for what seemed like hours. Then Karkat did something he never thought he would be able to do. Something he really knew would tick him off. Make him lose his cool.

Karkat swiped Dave's glasses and ran like hell.

**Gomen nasai! **

**Sorry this chapter is so short! I didn't expect any one to read the first chapter, so i was surprised when i got a few people following this story! I guess you guys deserve something to go on here.**

**So, review! If you have any ideas, head cannons you think would go good in the story, or grammar problems! Because my grammar sucks. **

**Thank you guys!**


	3. FACE PALM COMBO x3

Karkat ran down the hall, with the most mischievous smile he has ever had. He didn't actually expect that he would be able to nab Dave's sun glasses. Karkat thought for sure that Dave would grab his arm and flip him face-first into the floor. But he did it. And now he had a Dave on the verge of loosing his "cool" chasing after him.

The troll placed on the glasses as he turned a corner. At the end of the hall and noticed rose chatting with Kanaya, directly in his way.

"get out of the way, fuckass!" he called, getting the 2 girls attention. Kanaya moved, but rose smiled.

_Shit. _Karkat dug his heels into the ground in a desperate attempt to slow down. But it failed and the troll comically collided with the human.

Karkat landed on his back, slightly dazed. The glasses were suddenly removed from his face and placed on Dave, who did not look impressed.

Karkat smiled. "well that was fucking fun!" he taunted. "we should do it more often!"

Dave looked at Karkat for a minute, but the replied with a simple blunt no. He walked off with rose in tail. The only one left was Kanaya.

Karkat sat up and looked at the troll. "whats your problem?" he growled at the rainbow drinker.

"I was about to ask the same thing. I have never seen you act that way towards the human."

"well, he's my kismesis!" Karkat shot back, slightly shocked with Kanaya's analysis.

Kanaya made a 'o' shape with her mouth. "that does explain a few things. But do you think that is a good choice? You know humans don't have a equivalent of kismesis on earth."

"its fine!" Karkat yelled. "you don't need to get all up in my fucking business. What are you, my lusus?"

Kanaya sighted. "very well. Have it your way. Just.. be careful, Karkat."

Karkat crossed his arms and huffed. Kanaya looked at him for another moment, then walked away.

Karkat sat there for a minute. He hated when people tried to give him advice. But he couldn't help think.. humans don't have kismesis. They weren't made for it, just as (from what john told him) how male/male or female\female doesn't work.

Most stupid fucking thing he has ever heard in his life. He has heard a lot of fucking stupid things, but that defiantly at the top of his list.

It competes with the hemospectrom.

Karkat shook his head. _That is not what is should be thinking about right now. _He thought to himself. The troll stood up and turned around to go back to his room- but found himself once again uncomfortably close to a certain blind troll.

"GUAA!" he cried out as he stepped back. "Terezi! How long have you been fucking standing there?"

she giggled. "a wile."

Karkat scowled. "gog. You the biggest fucking freak on this entire meteor, it swear!"

"Karkat. You really say fuck too much. How will your wrigglers react?" she clicked her tong.

Karkat's face went bright red as he backed up another step. Thank gog she's blind. "w-wrigglers?"

Terezi burst out laughing. "oh karkles, your H1L4R1OUS!" she laughed.

Karkat bunched his fists in anger. "TEREZI! That was not fucking funny!"

Terezi attempted to say something but couldn't over the mass amount of laughing. The male troll grinded his teeth and stormed off to his room, leaving the hysterical troll to herself.

As soon as Karkat got in his room, he slammed his door. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH EVERYONE TODAY?" he screamed.

After kicking a few random things around, he sat on his bed and turned on his husktop.

**-CURRENT carcinoGeneticist ****RIGHT NOW opened memo PLEASE TELL ME SHIT GETS FUCKING BETTER.**  
CCG: HEY SHITHEAD OF A FUTURE SELF.

CCG: ANSWER ME.

CCG: STUFF IS FUCKED UP OVER HERE.

FUTURE carcinoGedeticist 1 DAY answered the memo  
FCG: SORRY.

FCG:IT JUST GOES DOWN HILL FROM HERE ON OUT.

FCG: I WOULD ADVISE GETTING SOME SLEEP.

CGG: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? CCG: NO SWEARING? INSULTS?

CCG: WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED?

FCG: ME AND DAVE A HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT.

FCG: ALL MY RAGE GOES OUT ON HIM, SO I GESS... I FUCKING RAN OUT OF RAGE.

FCG: AT LEAST I SWORE THERE.

CCG: OH GOG

CCG: NO

CCG: I KNOW IM SUPPOSED TO BE AN ASSHOLE ALL THE TIME.

CCG: I LEARNED THAT A WILE AGO. FCG: I KNOW.

CCG: ITS IN MY FUCKING BLOOD.

CCG:SHIT!

CCG: GOG, THIS MUST BE LIKE HOW DAVE FUCKING FELT.

FCG:KARKAT.

CCG:NO

CCG:I NEED TO BE AN ASSHOLE!

CCG: IF IM NOT ANGRY, THE WORLDS BALANCE WILL SCREW UP!

CCG: THE WORLD WILL END!

CCG: AGAIN!

FCG: KARKAT. CALM DOWN.

CCG:NO

CCG:

CCG:

FCG: thats it.

CCG: HOLY SHIT!

FCG: did i get your fucking attention?

FCG: good! Now listen up.

FCG: get some sleep and confront Dave in the morning.

FCG: i have to go.

CCG: WAIT

CCG:WHAT?

CCG:YOUR NOT GOING TO TELL ME HOW TO AVOID THIS?

FUTURE carcinoGeneticist banned himself from responding to the the memo.

CCG:FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

CCG:

Karkat slammed his husktop closed and berried his face into the pillow. His screams of frustration were successfully muted by the pillow.

**Soooo? What do you guys think?** **Like before, review! Any ideas, PM me! I love hearing form you guys!**  
**Thanks to all the followers and reviewers! (all 2 of you so far) i never expected this many people to like this! ** **Reviews inspire me to pump out chapters!**


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